This piece falls among a string of many. However, before these, for a long time, there was absolutely nothing. No cohesive thoughts, nothing that struck cords or would garner Instagram likes. When it comes to my writing, it is nothing and then everything all at once.

When people ask me how I am, old friends or those who call a few times a week, I honestly reply, “Great.” I am strong, healthy, happy, and flourishing. But, before this period of good favor, for an extended length, I felt nothing. Not particularly horrid, but definitely not great. When it comes to my Soul, she sleeps and there is nothing. And when she wakes, it is everything all at once.

My appetite is voracious of late. I make a mean lasagna, and multiple types of tasty stews filled with nightshade veggies and various different proteins. Every edible thing I touch turns to gold. I get hungry as soon as I wake, and partake in a midnight snack or three. Although, there was a time, not long ago, I wanted to eat nothing. Not the most delicious pizza, the gooiest cake or the crispiest duck a l’orange. When it comes to my appetite for life, it sometimes craves nothing. And then some beast in my belly awakens and wants everything all at once.

Nowadays, I like to go to a party. I like brunching with ladies and cocktails at happy hour. I like to sit in coffee shops and chat with strangers and I like to shoot the shit with the cashier at the local convenience store. Nevertheless, if you were to run in to me a year ago, I’d tip my hat down. I mostly looked at the ground. I didn’t smile often and I took advantage of ordering everything we needed online. When friends called, I’d scramble for something to say. I wasn’t funny, nor was I fun. If we are speaking about my social ability, I ride it in waves, because sometimes I got nothing. But at the peak of that wave, I’ve got everything all at once.

Timing is everything. It is important when we dance or sing, and with most everything. But this ticker is sicker than a kid with Munchausen by proxy syndrome. I’d like to state, I think I am really great, both with nothing and everything. They are both parts of me that deserve equal love and attention. I wouldn’t wish a more even-keeled life on anyone.

I was wonderfully and fearfully made. The universe doesn’t make mistakes. And though I may pine for everything all at once when I am slow dancing with nothingness, I look back at empty me and hug her. I whisper to her, “you need your nothing. It’s making room for everything to come back to you all at once. I love you.”